This time it's personal

A new photo, a new layout, a new start? Well I am nearly 23, maybe it's time for me to start being me. To have a blog that I designed (rather than a standard template) and to have a photo that doesn't show me hiding behind the 'student beer thing'. My attitude to a lot of things has definitely been changing. I feel like I am maturing, although it is admittedly a slow process. Going out and getting wasted doesn't really appeal to me that much anymore. Although a quiet drink with a few mates, or a bit of a boogie once in a while is a lot of fun. I haven't renounced beer altogether. To be perfectly honest, I have a bottle of Beck's sat next to iBee as I'm writing this so I'm not claiming to be above drinking or anything. I just don't really want to get hungover anymore.

I've always seen my life as a process of me gaining knowledge and increasing what I know has always been a day to day motivation for me. I used to direct this towards mastering German. That was my driving force, from the age of 16 it gave me a focus at school and then through university. Now I am studying for a Masters in Germany and I am left feeling like this motivation doesn't really exist for me anymore. I have certainly not mastered the language. I still have a long way to go, I would be the first to admit that, but I have an A* in German at GCSE, an A at A-Level and a 2:1 degree in the subject from Edinburgh Uni. I am a DAAD scholarship holder and I am doing a post-graduate degree in Germany. Mastering the language can no longer be a force to drive me onwards. Where would I go? I need to find something else. At university my interest in German was coupled with philosophy. I have always thought a lot (often too much). Studying philosophy allowed me to indulge in this character trait. Since graduating from the subject I have stopped reading the heavy stuff. I will probably go back to it one day, but for now I am happy to apply what I learnt to everyday life, to my own thoughts, to things that I read and to experiences I encounter in the day to day. In Bamberg I emersed myself in politics, in hating the terrorist American government and the oppressive Israelis. I remain interested in world affairs, although my political focus has since been directed more towards Brussels than Palestine, Iraq and Afghanistan. I fell into my current degree. I wanted to return to Germany, studying seemed like a good option, European politics interested me, it seemed to make some kind of sense. Ironically it is the intercultural communication part of the ICEUS course that is stimulating my mind at the moment. I think it will be this that will dictate where my life next takes me. I still have vague hopes of one day being Dr Robinson (just in case there aren't already enough Doctors in the family...), maybe a PhD in anthropology or intercultural communication could be an option. The major decisions in my life always seem to be taken with an attitude of 'well, why not?'. I like to think of myself as a fatalist, a follower of the 'let fate decide' philosophy. If I end up doing a PhD in social sciences, it is likely to be the result of a decision made following this line of thinking. Life's too short to ponder over one's future. We've just got to live it right?

I'm not sure where I'm going with this blog. I'm not sure where I started. Like I said at the beginning; I think it is time to start just being me. All my blog entries up to this point have read like a diary for the masses. I suppose in a way that is what a blog is. But when I write, I find myself describing events rather than my feelings. I feel myself censoring the words that flow from my inner consciousness and I know that I am not writing half of what I should be writing. I have redesigned my blog according to what I like. I can now be proud of it because it is something of my own making. Now I need to tackle my entries. I want them to be a reflection of me, not a description of experiences that anyone could be having. This is my life. I find it insatiably interesting. I can sit and ponder it for hours on end and smile the whole time. I am going to try and do it justice in this blog. Maybe in the process I can make someone else smile too.